How Indecision Makes the Choices For You

Back in April of this year, I had an audition that took me out into the city for an acting school I was hoping to join in the summer. During the weeks leading up to the the audition, I kept going back and forth in my mind between whether I’d even attempt it. Thoughts like “I probably won’t even make it…” and “That’s gonna be so stressful, what if something goes wrong?” swirled around my head.

I almost gave in to those thoughts, but thankfully changed my mind at the last minute and went to the audition after all. An anxiety-filled week of waiting later, I got an email telling me I was accepted into the program.

In retrospect, I realized that if I had listened to those hesitations, then I would have never known that I was good enough to be accepted. I’d likely further belittle my abilities as an actor, diminishing my confidence and discouraging myself to take risks in the future. If I had hesitated any longer, I would have missed the audition altogether, brushing off the opportunity as another “guess we’ll never know” point in my life.

We’ve all heard the quote: “You miss 100% of the shots you don’t take”.

Yet, at the same time, most people struggle with procrastination, indecision, and paralysis in the face of big decisions. In part, we all know better than to do these things, but remain stuck in stagnation regardless.

How then does one break the cycle?

The answer isn’t a simple one, or at the very least not an easily-achievable one.

So much of the anxiety that fuels this hesitation is fear of making the “wrong” choice.

Personally, I could spend a lifetime in the snack aisle of any gas station, scanning my possible candy choices into oblivion. However, the worst moments of indecision come at truly consequential choices we make in our life. Whether to get the safe job, or go for the riskier (and passion-pushed) option, for example. Or even, like myself, whether to apply for a great school that could further your career, or to simply cut your speculative losses.

No one can live our lives for us, despite how many times we may have wished we could relinquish the painful moments. The strongest ways we establish ourselves in the world is through what we value and how we enact those values. Its the baseline from where we derive our opinions, formulate our perspectives, and choose to interact in our relationships.

Values are not tied to what we always actually achieve, necessarily. I like to think of them as the traits of the person I want myself to be, rather than the cold-hard facts of who I always tend to be. Even if you value kindness, and find yourself doing something that is unkind, that doesn’t mean that kindness is no longer something you value, but rather that it’s a value you need to improve upon.

The more you instill your values to yourself, and let them guide your decisions, the less likely you are to second-guess those decisions.

Acting by your values also requires a significant amount of skill in mindfulness. By grounding yourself in the moment, and being sure not to divulge in the anxious and paranoid thoughts, you’re more well-equipped to make decisions that are true to your values rather than driven by an immediate impulse.

At the end of the day, there’s no telling how the choices we make will turn out until we make those choices in the first place. No amount of analysis can tell us the future, or provide us with a concrete answer as to what the “right” choice will be.

What we can do, though, is establish about what kind of people we want to be, and live by the values we find life-enriching rather than defeating.

Remember that anything worth doing- is worth doing badly.

It will always serve you more than having never tried at all.

Are You Indecisive?

• Yes! I can NEVER make up my mind
• Nah, I'm pretty good at making choices quickly
• I can't decide (harr harr harr)

CITATIONS

photos by Cottonbro Studio

https://www.pexels.com/@cottonbro/